I’ve listed a couple of things to look out for. If you’ve been seeing someone consistently for over two months and they have not or isn’t currently doing ALL of these things… Might be time to start responding to those people in your DMs.
I hated biology in school. To be honest, any class that had to do with science I could REALLY do without. Even though I find science interesting, in school, I could never achieve higher than a "C". Since science had nothing to do with my major, I was ok with that. I wasn’t Bill Nye and I knew it. All I really wanted to do was to pass so those "C's" did just that. While that was fine when it came to school, the subject of love should never be taken as lightly. When it comes to love, just getting by is never the goal. Unfortunately, so often, people find themselves doing just that! Instead of getting into an “A” relationship, they often settle for “C” ones or worse! If you’re one of those people who settles like that, let these next 4 reasons serve as your warning and STOP before you find yourself stuck in a wack ass relationship that you don’t know how to get out of!
You’re Blocking Your Blessings
Old people say it all the time, “Don’t block your blessings” and when it comes to settling for a relationship that isn’t rewarding and fulfilling, you’re doing just that. If you’re occupied with a person that isn’t right for you, how can you be open and ready for the person that is right for you? For all you know, the one that you’re suppose to be with can’t see you because you have the person that ISN’T right for you, blocking their view. Like relationships, blessings come and go, don’t miss that blessing because you’re too wrapped up in someone that you shouldn’t be.
You’re Not Happy For Real
Even if the person that you’re settling for doesn’t cause you problems or they take care of you or they’re genuinely a nice person; you know when you really keep it a buck with yourself, you’re not truly happy. That’s because true happiness comes from within, not from another person and their actions. When you’re settling, you might find happy moments but you won’t be completely happy. Don’t be afraid to go after the kind of love that fills you up to the point where you can’t stop smiling. Settling for the wrong person keeps you from reaching that depth of happiness.
You’re Being the Bad Guy
I was always the bad guy in 90% of my relationships. It is something that I take full responsibility for. When I realized what I was doing to the hearts that I was encountering, being the bad guy started to really feel shitty. When you know that a person doesn’t fulfill you 100%, it is your duty to let them know then let them go! If you don’t you’re being the bad guy! A relationship works best when both parties are the emotional recipients of something that they couldn’t receive elsewhere. When you’re settling, not only are you not receiving the things you need but you’re also not fully nurturing the emotions that the person you’re settling with is giving you. When you think about a person giving you their all while you’re giving them less than that, don’t you feel wrong? The world doesn’t need another bad guy.
Wasting Everybody’s Time
To be honest, this really should be number 1! When you decide to settle for a person instead of going after someone that you can truly be content with, you’re wasting your time and the other person's. If the person you’re dealing with knew that you were settling, would they want to stay? If they had any respect for themselves, they wouldn't and anyone that doesn’t FIRST have respect for their self shouldn’t be afforded the opportunity to be with you! No matter how old you are, you’re not getting any younger, when you realize that the person you’re with isn’t really the one for you, move on. The sooner you do, the more time you will have to find and enjoy someone that is truly right for you. Settling is something that you shouldn’t do regardless of the situation but especially when it comes to your heart because you only have one and it deserves the best!
I’ve had sex with A LOT of my female friends. No, I’m not a hoe but if you kick it with a person long enough and you are attracted to them AND you’re single, shit might go down! That usually wouldn't become a problem until my single status changed to a taken status. It’s at that point when the questions and feelings about my past relationships with people would be brought to the surface. For some, being cool with an ex or even someone you slept with is a deal breaker, but I am a firm believer in being a rational adult. Being that rational adult, below I’ve laid out the ONLY reasons that you should ever get rid of an ex!
True friends can become like family. Honestly, you’re usually closer to friends than the majority of your family. That’s because blood doesn’t establish a true bond, time does. In saying that, if you and the person haven’t put in real time and haven’t shared real experiences outside of a relationship or the bed, get them out of here! The bond that you share with a friend should be platonically real or it’s chronically wrong!
This should be self-explanatory but I’ve been apart of way too many lovers to friends situations where the word, “respect” wasn’t acknowledged. Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re single, if a person considers themselves a friend, they should respect ALL of your given boundaries. If disrespect is tolerated even one time when it comes to you, your boundaries, or your relationship, it will only get worse and continue, often leading to the destruction of your relationship and your friendship.
If you have no plans on ever introducing your friend to your boo, that ain’t your friend! Why would you want to keep someone in your life that can’t be introduced to the person that makes you happy? Better yet, why wouldn't you want them to meet? I was in this one relationship with this one girl and had this one friend that I didn’t want to meet my one girl because I knew that she would see that I had better chemistry with that one friend than I did with her! What did I do? I got rid of the one girl! I knew that if I didn’t want to introduce the new girl to my friend, there was a problem. You can’t have your cake without presenting it to your fork!
Hopefully Lives Matter
If either one of you still have hope that one day something can happen between both of you, you have to cut it! In my book, “The Friend Zone Playbook”, I discuss how bad hope can be for a person; in a relationship, outside hope with someone that you consider a friend can be worse. A person who still has hopes of being with you one day can never truly be happy for you. If you still have hope that should your current relationship mess up, the friend can jump into their spot, you’re dooming your relationship to hell from the start. There must be a clear understanding that the chances for a relationship to ever happen are non-existent. If that isn’t the case, you need to let that "friend" go!
I have associates and friends. The difference between the two is found in one word, value! When you were kickin it with the person, their value to you was pretty simple. When a person turns into a friend, you have to evaluate that person to see if they really fit in the category of friend. Ain’t no reason to fight for a person that brings no real value to your life. The person that you're keeping in your life despite being in a relationship has to truly make your life better and that value should be easy to explain to anyone but especially to your mate. Don’t confuse a long term association with a life long friend. Also, always remember, the person that you choose to have a relationship with shouldn’t have to fight for a position in your life.
The most valuable thing we all have is time and allowing someone to waste it should be a crime; but it isn’t. So, to prevent you from wasting anymore of your time, emotions, money, sex tricks, and everything else that you give to a person you’re trying to be in a relationship with, I’ve listed a few things to look out for.