One of the best feelings in the world is Newness! It’s that emotion that comes over you (pause) when you’re first getting into a relationship. You want nothing more than to be around that person, talk to that person, and your mind constantly stays on that person. It seems like the relationship will last forever but if you’re not new to the newness feeling you know that usually that shit disappears about as fast as it showed up. Soon, you go from wanting to be around the person all day to barely wanting to answer their text messages. It happens more often than not, your relationship that you had such high hopes for goes all to hell. Save that once promising relationship with some of these tips.
Uncover the Problem
The first step in you should take is to pinpoint the problem. What has you hating the way your significant other breathes, blinks, and thinks? Without knowing the issue you can’t solve the issue. Finding out the problem also helps you minimize time wasted. If you find out that there is a problem in the relationship that you just can’t get over or solve, GET OUT before you fall into the sunken place! If that’s not the case then once you get to the root of the issue, you can make strives in turning the tide in your relationship.
Make Sure You BOTH Want It
Once the problem has been identified, you have to figure out if the problem is worth solving. If you don’t want to put in the work to fix the problem or if you’re just over the issue, there’s no reason to. The same goes for your partner. Sometimes, even when you solve the problem that was plaguing the relationship, you still can feel like something isn’t right. Don’t try to fix something that is better broken. However, if you both want the relationship, fight for it.
Set Small Benchmarks
Getting your relationship back right should be your goal from the moment you decide that it’s worth fixing. I find one of the best ways to achieve a goal is through setting small benchmarks until you meet your actual goal. Start with trying to have a good week with each other. If your relationship is in a really bad place, you can even start by trying to at least have a good day. The same way a relationship doesn’t deteriorate over night, it sure as hell won’t become great again in a short amount of time. It takes effort and consistency on both sides as well as a willingness to truly form a bond again. Setting small benchmarks will give you moments that you build from and also can provide reinsurance in the fact that your relationship is worth the fight.
No More Routines
Too many routines are the quickest route to a boring relationship. Yes, deciding that Friday night will be date night can be ok but even that can become monotonous and too predictable after a while. Change up you and your partner’s normal interaction to see if that helps combat some of the discontent inside of the relationship. This can be especially helpful if you know something is wrong with the relationship but you just can’t figure out what. Chances are, you’re bored! You have enough routines to follow between work, school, kids, and stuff like that; don’t put a damper on your relationship by routine overkill. If love doesn’t have a routine, why should you limit it with one?
This kind of goes hand in hand with killing of routines; if you’re in a serious relationship, your partner in many ways should be one of your closest friends. With those kind of friends you share anything, including fun! If you’ve stopped having fun with your partner, there’s no need to wonder why your relationship is on life support! You should be able to confide in the person you love as well as find constant enjoyment with them. If you’re around a person all the time and there are never any fun times, eventually you’re going to stop coming around that person. When a relationship is involves, that translates to a break up.
When you’re trying to get your relationship moving back in the right direction, there obviously will be bumps in the road. That’s okay and to be expected but make sure you don’t avoid those bumps. Not only can your problems be revealing to why you’re having difficulties in the first place, not dealing with old or new issues can definitely do more harm than help to mending your broken courtship. Confront the issues that are destroying your relationship as soon as they occur! Do not allow a lot of time to pass because that only assists in giving your problems life. The longer you wait to deal with your relationship troubles, the harder it becomes to solve them. When time is allowed to pass after an issue has come up, you and your partner can begin to form your own interpretation of what the real concern is instead of what it actually may be. If you’re a passive person, as time goes by, you possibly may allow yourself to dismiss or overlook an issue which often times translates to you subconsciously holding on to problems that probably could’ve been discussed and handled. If you’re an aggressive person, when you hold on to your issues with your partner, often times it does nothing but make you angrier and makes a situation much bigger than it actually has to be. It may be hard to defuse an issue that you’re having in the heat of the moment but letting too much time pass often creates a bigger problem and sometimes the original issue never gets resolved. It would be a shame to have your relationship completely destroyed over something a 20 min conversation could’ve fixed.
Don’t Just Say It
Words are most often much easier to say then to express. When placing your relationship back on the right track, your actions are vital. Show your partner that you love them and let your words be the explanation. There’s no sense in constantly telling a person things that you choose not to show. In failed relationships, both parties usually find themselves wanting the actions that were once performed which are only spoken. It’s time to do what you say if you really want that relationship to work. If you’re been heard but not felt, you can’t expect love to last. Turn the volume up on your actions!
No Friend Zone
During your rebuilding phase, limit friend involvement. Not to say that your friends have anything thing against your failing relationship but because they are “pro-you” sometimes their words and thoughts go against the union inadvertently. You’re not dating your friends so stop expecting them to know how to successfully date you! There’s a time for advice from friends but when a relationship is on the ropes, their advice needs to be limited and far between. Allow your thoughts and actions to be pure reflections of you, not a mirror image of your BFF.
Know When It’s A Wrap
Some sh*t just ain’t meant to be! Unfortunately, if there is a problem in the relationship it can just be that your true love isn’t going to be found in the person that your with. That’s perfectly fine. All that matters is that you identify that through trial and error and you’re honest with yourself no matter where your discoveries may lead you. Giving up isn’t the same as losing the game. Make sure that whatever knowledge you gain from trying to fix your broken relationship, you learn from because knowing how to avoid the pitfalls will be useful whether it be from the current relationship or a new one.