Don't Get Rid Of Your Ex Unless...

I’ve had sex with A LOT of my female friends. No, I’m not a hoe but if you kick it with a person long enough and you are attracted to them AND you’re single, shit might go down! That usually wouldn't become a problem until my single status changed to a taken status. It’s at that point when the questions and feelings about my past relationships with people would be brought to the surface. For some, being cool with an ex or even someone you slept with is a deal breaker, but I am a firm believer in being a rational adult. Being that rational adult, below I’ve laid out the ONLY reasons that you should ever get rid of an ex!

 

Real Friends

True friends can become like family. Honestly, you’re usually closer to friends than the majority of your family. That’s because blood doesn’t establish a true bond, time does. In saying that, if you and the person haven’t put in real time and haven’t shared real experiences outside of a relationship or the bed, get them out of here! The bond that you share with a friend should be platonically real or it’s chronically wrong!

 

Respect

This should be self-explanatory but I’ve been apart of way too many lovers to friends situations where the word, “respect” wasn’t acknowledged. Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re single, if a person considers themselves a friend, they should respect ALL of your given boundaries. If disrespect is tolerated even one time when it comes to you, your boundaries, or your relationship, it will only get worse and continue, often leading to the destruction of your relationship and your friendship.

 

No Introduction

If you have no plans on ever introducing your friend to your boo, that ain’t your friend! Why would you want to keep someone in your life that can’t be introduced to the person that makes you happy? Better yet, why wouldn't you want them to meet? I was in this one relationship with this one girl and had this one friend that I didn’t want to meet my one girl because I knew that she would see that I had better chemistry with that one friend than I did with her! What did I do? I got rid of the one girl! I knew that if I didn’t want to introduce the new girl to my friend, there was a problem. You can’t have your cake without presenting it to your fork!

 

Hopefully Lives Matter

If either one of you still have hope that one day something can happen between both of you, you have to cut it! In my book, “The Friend Zone Playbook”, I discuss how bad hope can be for a person; in a relationship, outside hope with someone that you consider a friend can be worse. A person who still has hopes of being with you one day can never truly be happy for you. If you still have hope that should your current relationship mess up, the friend can jump into their spot, you’re dooming your relationship to hell from the start. There must be a clear understanding that the chances for a relationship to ever happen are non-existent. If that isn’t the case, you need to let that "friend" go!

 

Value Delivery

I have associates and friends. The difference between the two is found in one word, value!  When you were kickin it with the person, their value to you was pretty simple. When a person turns into a friend, you have to evaluate that person to see if they really fit in the category of friend. Ain’t no reason to fight for a person that brings no real value to your life. The person that you're keeping in your life despite being in a relationship has to truly make your life better and that value should be easy to explain to anyone but especially to your mate. Don’t confuse a long term association with a life long friend. Also, always remember, the person that you choose to have a relationship with shouldn’t have to fight for a position in your life.

 

J Rod Tanner

Los Angeles. New York. Virginia